tacticalspookybadger:

suburban-auschwitz:

ermahgerdkerfer:

Damn, this girl was prepared.

Damn, I can’t even put the kids to bed on time

That girl is the real goddamn super hero.

(via quickbewitty)

Amber Heard on her character in ‘The Rum Diary’, Chenault.

(Source: ambers-heard, via dream1n9big)

http://mulder-itsme.tumblr.com/post/82858705443/mulderhatesqueequeg-lilykakes-i-have-instant

mulderhatesqueequeg:

lilykakes:

I have instant anxiety over DD & GA communicating on the internet. Yes, it’s cute and shit and makes me happy, but damn I cringe when celebrities get directly (notice I said directly) sent all the awkward tweets. There’s a difference between letting…

topless-bottom:

elouvator:

moshingwithyourmom:

elouvator:

why do guys think girls wear makeup for them do u honestly think i spent $20 on a blush to make ur dick hard calm down

Then please explain why you do wear make up Hm?

this might surprise u but people sometimes do things for themselves

GiRL do THINGS foR SElf? Not FOr MAn?!? UNAcCptable!! EVry ThiNg GiRl eVER DU MST BE FR maNN!!!!!!

(via castielsslove)

She is not “my girl.”

She belongs to herself, and to all of the world. And I am blessed, for with all her freedom, she still comes back to me, moment-to-moment, day-by-day, and night-by-night.

How much more blessed can I be?

Avraham Chaim, Thoughts after The Alchemist (via avraham-chai)

(via cosmic-starfire)

Dad: Why the hell did you put a comma there?
Dad: Do you even know what a participial phrase is?
Dad: Omg. He's like my favorite character of all time.
Dad: Who should I dress up as for the movie premier?
Dad: Hey are you awak? I know it's late, but you read Animal Farm, right? Yeah. I need you to read this report. I can't tell if I am just super tired or if this is actual bullshit.
Dad: Alesha wouldn't be able to spell 'definitely' right if wrote it down for her. She would fucking erase it and then write 'defiantly', because she doesn't care. I hate her.
Dad: I need you to bake brownies. I lost a bet.
Dad: Omg. You cannot ship me with Gilcher. You know I don't like tattoos and he's like twenty-five. And for Christ's sake, he teaches math.
Dad: Omg. Gilcher said the funniest thing today.
Dad: Mrs. Ashworth and I have decided to start a band. It'll be called Great Expectations.
Dad: It's like you didn't read the fucking book.
Dad: Okay. So this week you're reading this book I stole from Mrs. Ashworth's. It's like sixty pages long, but you'll love it.
Dad: *puts books on my bed for me to read everyday and demands that I read them*
Dad: My son doesn't like reading. I have not only failed him, but society. You aren't my son. Leave.
Dad: Okay. So you're getting books for Christmas. All of you. I get discounts on them since I'm a teacher, and since I'm a teacher, it's all I can afford, so...
Dad: Fucking standardized testing can go fuck itself in the ass.
Dad: I have to teach for the required testing instead of what they really need to know.
Dad: Fuck the government.
Dad: Fuck the school board.
Dad: Close the door.
Dad: Charles Dickens was so fucking pretentious, and I hate him, but he also caused change, but he's such a Dick. Ha. DICKens.
Dad: I love puns.
Dad: People who say sarcasm is the lowest form of humor are assholes.
Dad: Please shut up.
Dad: Catching Fire was the worst book but the best movie and that feels weird.
Dad: I wouldn't get so mad when you call me at school if you didn't change your ringtones to inappropriate rap music.
Dad: I fucking hate Alesha. She asked what countries were apart of Austria-Hungary today and I almost told her to get out.
Dad: You cannot visit my school in a dress that short. There are boys there.
Dad: Barbra Parks is fucking Queen.
Dad: I need you to make me a good, relaxing playlist for silent reading. I'm too lazy.
Dad: If I have to watch two of my students grind on each other at one more dance, I will kill them both.
Dad: They act like I care what they think.
Dad: I hate homework.
Dad: I have decided to become a politician.
Dad: What's the one book with the guys and the one kills the other and the chick without a name who dies and the short angry man? Mouseman? Oh my fucking gosh. Of Mice and Men. I have failed.

Tatiana Maslany on Conan 4/15/14 [x]

(Source: clonesbians, via cosimascully)

(Source: larwrence, via irrelelephants)

friendly reminder

princessgorgon:

it’s 100% ok to be flirty and have no intention of sleeping with people

flirting isn’t a sex flag and it isn’t permission

heck you could be asexual and like totally hella flirtin up a storm that’s fine too like do it up go u

(via irrelelephants)